Many of you may be wondering as to the title of this blog?! Well, having spent thousands of hours of my work life selling, negotiating, and learning (from some of the best negotiators on the planet) the principles of negotiation I have come to a rather astonishing yet obvious conclusion.
FYI: I had the pleasure of being coached by a highly successful senior exec from Xerox. And learned business negotiation skills from the great minds at Harvard Business School.
The most relevant and practical lessons on negotiation are best learned from kids.
My friends, family and business colleagues often come to me seeking tips on how to sell and negotiate. I do my best to give them a short, sharp, and practical snapshot of what moves to make and what to say when. What surprises me is that many of these conversations begin with the following words “I could really do with your help negotiating the deal… you know i am not great at this”
I am always stunned by how most people under-sell or perhaps under-recognize their natural – born ability to negotiate.
We were all born sales pros and negotiators.
Don’t believe me?
Well, this may change your mind.
Here’s a short episode of life that may resonate – as parents, uncles, aunts, brothers, or sisters.
A father, mother and their son walked into a local supermarket. The son was 7 years old.
As kids do, the son was drawn to the games/toy’s aisle (keen on acquiring a nerf gun). He knew his mother and father together were a strong blocking force and would block him from buying a nerf gun… so, he used his emotional intelligence and commercial skills to deploy the smartest trick in the book – the divide and conquer strategy! First, he distracted his mother by saying the following “mum, can I have some cheese straws and egg spread please please please”… (knowing that the aisle was on the opposite end to the toys aisle). As the mum (and dad) decided to fulfil their sons demands … the son said (to the dad) “Dad, I want to show you something… it’s really cool quick dad please come with me please please please please”… The only practical solution was for the mother and father to split – where one completes the list of shopping, and the other panders to the demands of the kid.
Let me explain what just happened here.
The child, (without schooling or business education) showed us how he has a natural ability to read people and situations. To win the battle the son needed to select the right opponent to defeat (his dad!). In the world of selling, we often focus on working top down ie: targeting the key decision maker… people with power. In some cases, there are a few people who have the power to make purchasing decision. In this case, both dad and mum have the power, but it is clear (to the son) that his father is an easier target i.e.: in sales speak, he can close (get what he wants) him faster and with greater ease. In short, the kid clearly understands the art of sales and negotiation at the age of 7! Staggering.
Remember – the kid has a clear objective : To become the owner of a new nerf gun. He wants it now (urgency). He HAS to convince his dad inside 5-7 mins (while his mum is distracted) to say ‘yes’. He has made up his mind.
For the avoidance of doubt, the kid knows exactly which gun(s) he wants. As a hedging strategy he has selected his first and second option. Just in case he faces push-back and has to negotiate further.
Back to the story.
As the kid escorted his dad to the toy’s aisle… the dad clocked onto what was happening. He tried his best to dissuade his son by using low impact language like “son, no toys today i already bought you a nerf gun last week”… In sales, we call this an objection! For a natural born sales pro like the kid, this is ‘child’s play’. Yum yum, he thinks.
FYI: In the world of sales, an objection is a buying signal for sales-pros. Why? Because we prepare for them and know – if we can handle the objection – the list of ‘nos’ quickly starts to shrink…and often leads to a ‘yes’.
Back to the story again…
The son handled this objection beautifully. He responded back by saying “Ok Dad, let me show you something really cool though… it amazing . (Suspense…) …all my friends at school have it (social proofing), i just want to show it to you (creating excitement and willingness to know more). Genius!
Lesson for parents: If you ever experience this, feel proud and say ‘Yes’!
As the father unknowingly gets drawn into the son’s requests – and begins losing control, his son, begins to assume full control. “Dad, look at this really cool gun…all my friends have this gun, their parents bought it for them… I wish I could have this gun dad…(emotional burden) .” Silence prevails…. as the kid picks up the toy from the shelf and admires it. He then looks up at his dad and asks him to hold the toy…(proof of concept – he wants his dad to ‘connect’ with the toy).
Dad responds with another objection. ” I told you already. We cannot buy this toy”. Son “Ok dad, but why can’t I have what my friends have? … (playing the emotional card and making out that he may become an outcast at school – if he does not get his nerf gun).
In response Dad says, “You already have a nerf gun”. Son, “I have a different nerf gun but this one is so much better … look it’s bigger… can I have it please Dad?”. Dad, “no you can’t”.
Son says, “Is it because we don’t have the money to buy it dad?” (Playing on the dad’s ego). Son, ” ok, can I then have different gun, which my other friends have got. How about this one dad, PLEASE?! “. This gun happened to be cheaper than the first option (in negotiation, this is called a BATNA – best alternative to negotiated offer). Dad, “Ok son, this is your last toy for a long time”… and don’t tell your mum!
I am sure this resonates with some of you. I sure have had the pleasure of being ‘closed’ over the years by many such naturally gifted kids who have the instinct and ability to influence.
I firmly believe, we are all equipped (at a young age) with social survival skills that help us overcome conflict, build rapport, influence, persuade and convince. It appears however that as we ‘grow up’, and the scenario and audience (and wider eco-system) evolve, we become less confident in applying/transferring these valuable skills.
Society has a habit of typecasting and stereotyping. We create an identity for ourselves based on skills we acquire and believe are needed and valued for us to become successful. Through school, we are not taught or encouraged to acknowledge and practise our sales skills, hence many of us make up our minds that we are “not good at selling” or “not the best at negotiating”.
It is time we take inspiration from our kids.
We experience their sales brilliance on a daily basis and smile – with pride – at the smart techniques they use to get what they want.
It’s time to re-discover those great skills you possess. Learn from your kids!